Oh, joyful me..

I have been thinking about the last time I felt joyful.

Joy…noun : the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation.

To be honest, I don’t feel much euphoria these days. I suppose when I have just finished medicating myself, when the pain is at bay, I will experience a feeling of well-being for a short time. I can pretend that I am perfectly normal again. I long for that with every fiber of my being.

It’s a mock feeling of joyousness, but I take it gratefully.

I am aware of my blessings. I was truly thankful just the other day, as a matter of fact. My family is all still here with me. We had oodles of food. Shelter over my head, a warm bed to sleep in. Friends who love and support me. A loyal dog, who tries to keep me from leaving the house by sitting on my feet while I try to put on my socks and shoes.

The more I think about it, the more I am certain that experiencing pure joy becomes harder the older we get. Most of us become jaded and bitter, because let’s be realistic here; life’s a bitch. Each trauma and tragedy we endure takes us farther away from great delight.

Yet…

I am poor as a church-mouse, but rich in love.

I am fragile and broken, but trying to mend.

I have people willing to help me sew.

I wake up each day now with the will to live.

I get to immerse myself on a daily basis with my first love, writing.

My daughter is a beautiful young adult.

I still know all the words to “Joy to the world.”

Maybe it is harder to find it, but not impossible.

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29 thoughts on “Oh, joyful me..

  1. Merbear is a blogger!
    Is a good friend of mine,
    I read every single word she says
    While I’m drinking wine..

    OK, I tried. ❤ to you chickadee.

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  2. I find that my definition of joy has aged along with me, Mer. I find my greatest happiness in different places, I must say, now that you’ve pushed me toward examining the topic. I am glad that you came up with that list of blessings at the end of your post. And if we must talk about Three Dog Night, my fave could be the less mainstream “Mama Told Me Not to Come,” with it’s topic-appropriate lyric, “She said, that’s not the way to have fun, son.”

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  3. Joy is sometimes hard to find when it’s raining shit all around you. There are good things in life, you just have to look with the right perspective to find them.

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    • Yeah, the funk comes and goes. It is very difficult being perky when one has a chronic pain condition, but I do my best. I agree with your boo and add my own. I like that..clutter…ah, way too much these days, lol.

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  4. “A loyal dog, who tries to keep me from leaving the house by sitting on my feet while I try to put on my socks and shoes” I gave a little hiccup and said ‘don’t cry Lorna!’ You can wait for joy to happen or go find it when it doesn’t. And no I didn’t get that from a card 🙂

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