The Dusty Passages of Memory

Sixteen candles might make a lovely light, but you can toast marshmallows over forty-three.


As you can clearly see, I’ve loved chocolate cake since an early age. Check out my chubby legs and that retro Pepsi bottle. I look like a mini sumo wrestler.


Because I secretly crave validation and attention, I must share the fact that today is my 43rd birthday. To some people, I’m still just a baby. To others, I’m as old as dirt itself.

I woke up today feeling absolutely no different from how I did yesterday. (Like shit, ahem.)

Aging is a gradual process and just because we celebrate the day of our birth, it doesn’t really mean anything in the grand scheme of things.

The only evidence that I’m older shows on my face, creases where none existed before and the glittery silver that streaks throughout my natural dark brown hair.

Also, my boobs just ain’t as perky as they used to be. Them’s the breaks.

My Aunt Merrie, one of my two namesakes, passed away of a brain aneurysm at the age of 36 while she was painting. I have outlived her by 7 years and I am grateful for that. I never got to meet her, nor my grandma Mary, who died of a heart attack in her early 50’s.

When I look at my 1st birthday photo up above, it makes me nostalgic for days gone by. My childhood was mostly a beautiful time in my life and I would give my entire Beatles record collection to go back for just one more day.

If I wanted to, I could buy myself a chocolate cake and eat the entire fucking thing (and then go into a diabetic coma.)

No, only a little baby with adorable fat folds has that right. Not a middle-aged women with a body that can’t process glucose correctly.

If I could, I’d crawl into that picture and give that baby a big hug. I’d whisper in her ear that life wasn’t always going to be that easy, but that she was strong enough to deal with it. I’d tell her to steer clear of douchebags, not to roast her skin in the sunshine using baby oil and to get better grades in school.

Then I’d grab a handful of that cake and skedaddle out of there, leaving 1975 forever in the dusty passages of memory.

Because no matter how we may wish that we could go back in time, that isn’t how any of this shit works.


49 thoughts on “The Dusty Passages of Memory

  1. Happy Birthday! 43 isn’t that old. Look at the bright side. You have followers like me who enjoy reading your posts, you have great wit, a sense of humor, an understanding of sarcasm, and a great blog, where you can vent, or connect with other people. You’ve also had to deal with adversity, and daily pain, yet you haven’t given up, and are still fighting. That says a lot. Have a great day. If you don’t eat any cake, I’ll just have to eat two pieces instead of one. Take care, and be well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for the birthday wishes and the compliments, Patrick. You made me smile, what a wonderful gift. πŸ™‚
      Help yourself to as much cake as you’d like, there’s plenty to share!!!


  2. Very happy birthday to you. There are a lot of life’s turdballs you’ve had tossed at you, and I have experience with some of them from my wife. Rare is the person who can say life turned out the way they expected…unless they are perma-pessimists. πŸ™‚

    So for your birthday I will say in response to:
    “Also, my boobs just ain’t as perky as they used to be. Them’s the breaks.”
    I am sure they are just as lovely as ever!!! Happy Birthday

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy birthday, Mer!! It’s true that birthdays are essentially meaningless, especially considering the fact that the whole scheme of marking calendar time is just an invented notion. But it does give us an excuse to celebrate the existence of those we cherish; and in that spirit, I celebrate your birthday. In 1975, I turned 5. I remember that my drunken Uncle Ed was visiting for the occasion and he looked at me and said, “You’re a whole handful!” At the time, I thought that was neat. Fast-forward 43 years and now I realize that Uncle Ed is someone I might step over if I saw him dying in the street. He’s a horrible, angry, hateful individual. But at 5, we don’t see these things. I want to be 5 again, but not to start over. Just to stay that age with no prejudicial judgment until I die.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think I might be disagreeing with you on part of this one. While I do agree there are hateful people in this world, there are those that are worthy of such recognition. What’s wrong with taking pause to mark the day that someone came along to join us in the journey? Sure we are gathered here often only to regurgitate upon the typed page the ugliness we see around us. I am, however, glad for the day that brought some of you into this Thunderdome with me.

      Liked by 3 people

    • I remember you telling me about your Uncle Ed when we talked on the horn.
      Thank you for the birthday wishes, my friend. You’re already influencing me in wonderful ways. Some of that is evident in this post.
      I would like to have the innocence of being 5 years old again, too. A clean slate, so to speak.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Mmm, cake.
    That’s the problem with getting older. When you’re little, chocolate cake is a treat. When you’re older and can buy what you like, you have to use willpower to force it to still be a treat. Otherwise, I’d be buying it every day πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Awww, you’re just a youngun yet! LOL Oh my, 1975 I was a year out of high school and working. Not yet sure what I wanted out of life except to get away from my mother. You were so lucky to have a childhood you want to revisit. Mine I wouldn’t revisit for anything. But….that’s another story.

    Happy Birthday my friend!!!! May the day bring you happiness and strength. I don’t really celebrate mine anymore but like you I do broadcast that it’s my birthday! haha! Hey, I like a little attention once a year. πŸ™‚


    • I think we all need a little attention sometimes, Jackie. πŸ˜‰

      I’m sorry that your childhood wasn’t all that happy. Mine wasn’t perfect, I had mental illness before I even started school. Plus, my dad was sick all of the time and I was constantly hypervigilant.

      And hey, call me! We need to set up a date!!


      • My childhood….wasn’t. But I survived. All was a long time ago. Over half a century. Oh shit….that sounds ancient. LOL

        Send me your phone number via email and we’ll set up a date and time. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Happy Birthday. I’ve always believed there are no calories in birthday cakes because they celebrate the event of the one and only you.

    About boobs. I remember when mine knew where north was. At 63 they’ve changed direction…south. Enjoyed this very much.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Couldn’t finish the article, just on this photo!! Looks so much like my first birthday, already well into my lifelong love affair with cake. Also have several showing my unders, so don’t think you’re alone with that either. I’ve just passed my 64th birthday. I think you’ll get better. I’m still very sensitive to the migration of aches and pains, but I’m retired now and things are better now that I can run my own schedule. Hang in there. But stock in Tylenol. πŸ™‚


    • Thank you! πŸ™‚
      I’m glad that I’m not the only one who has a photo of themselves eating a giant cake with their unders on, LOL!!
      I actually use Naproxen, my doc prescribes it for me, although it doesn’t really do all that much in regards to pain. But perhaps I should try some Tylenol too.


  8. I feel ya Mer, if I could have just a second to go back to that little girl I once was and tell her, you WILL be OK. I would take a year off my life to do it! I’m coming up on 50. In September. 50 fucking years old and what to show for it? a chronic illness and living paycheck to paycheck… but as you said, thems the breaks! Happy Birthday Mer! May you enjoy a diabetic chocolate shake with virosity! ~Kim

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Kim! I feel much older than 43, but I don’t need to tell you that. But you’re right, we WILL survive, hey hey.
      I’m going with the real thing, but just a small amount. I’ve been a good girl lately, so what the hell! Might as well.
      And I’m so happy to have connected with you and having you contribute on my blog. You’re a blessing!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Happy birthday! I was one month old when that picture was taken, so I was probably lying in a crib somewhere with shit running out of my diaper…. at least you were getting cake and Pepsi!


    • I literally cracked up laughing when I read this!!
      Thank you, blog brother.
      Now I have a mental picture of you as a baby with shit running down you leg, no Pepsi and cake for you!!!


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