If you were ever a kid, you’ll probably remember having your chest rubbed down with Vicks® VapoRub™ by a caretaker, which in my case was my mother. It was one of the best parts of having a cold, besides getting to stay home from school and drinking hot tea with honey. (The kind of honey that comes in the little bear bottle.)
Personally, I really love the stuff.
When one of your nostrils drain itself of mucus for a few minutes…well, that’s the shit right there. The only thing that comes close is the moment an infected ear suddenly pops free and you can hear again.
Until it clogs again. (Your nostrils.) Then they take turns, right side open, left closed. Then right sealed like a tomb (ain’t no oxygen getting in, sucker) and the left side is as clear as a long stretch of country road.
Well, guess what? As it turns out, VapoRub™ is an extremely useful product to have around the house. Trust me, after reading this, you’ll want to always have a vat of it in your medicine cabinet.
Please be advised that putting Vick’s® VapoRub™ on your genitals is not recommended, but encouraged.
Oops, sorry. I’m back, I was rubbing my entire body down with it. Sore muscles? I have sore fucking muscles!
Just you wait for summer, you annoying little bloodsuckers! Go suck on someone your own size!
And if you do bite me, I now have the power to stop the itch, so there. Take that, skeeter. Pfft.
I’ve never had a cold sore before. They look really painful. Eek.
So, go ahead and get you some Vick’s® VapoRub™. (Not just for chests anymore!)
Tell em’ Mer sent ya.