The Many Uses of VapoRub™

If you were ever a kid, you’ll probably remember having your chest rubbed down with Vicks® VapoRub™ by a caretaker, which in my case was my mother. It was one of the best parts of having a cold, besides getting to stay home from school and drinking hot tea with honey. (The kind of honey that comes in the little bear bottle.)

Personally, I really love the stuff.

When one of your nostrils drain itself of mucus for a few minutes…well, that’s the shit right there. The only thing that comes close is the moment an infected ear suddenly pops free and you can hear again.


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He’s so fine, there’s no telling where the money went…


Until it clogs again. (Your nostrils.) Then they take turns, right side open, left closed. Then right sealed like a tomb (ain’t no oxygen getting in, sucker) and the left side is as clear as a long stretch of country road.

Well, guess what? As it turns out, VapoRub™ is an extremely useful product to have around the house. Trust me, after reading this, you’ll want to always have a vat of it in your medicine cabinet.


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Please be advised that putting Vick’s® VapoRub™ on your genitals is not recommended, but encouraged.

Oops, sorry. I’m back, I was rubbing my entire body down with it. Sore muscles? I have sore fucking muscles!

Just you wait for summer, you annoying little bloodsuckers! Go suck on someone your own size!

And if you do bite me, I now have the power to stop the itch, so there. Take that, skeeter. Pfft.

I’ve never had a cold sore before. They look really painful. Eek.

So, go ahead and get you some Vick’s® VapoRub™. (Not just for chests anymore!)

Tell em’ Mer sent ya.

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28 thoughts on “The Many Uses of VapoRub™

  1. My mom did the chest, under the nostrils one. I’ve seen some one the feet one. What if it wasn’t a man’s sock? I bet it would still work.
    How old is this list up there, bff? Maybe that was before truth in advertising. I have my doubts about a couple of them. Very interesting. If you have that stuff all over you, you are going to stink like hell. lol Hey man, whatever works though!

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  2. I haven’t used Vicks since I was a kid! Back then I didn’t mind smelling like Vicks, now, well no, I don’t like smelling like Vicks. Plus, it drives my cats loco. I think it hurts their senses. I probably already have that “old lady smell”, I don’t need no help. LOL

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  3. I swear the putting it on the bottom of your feet to help with cough really works. M thought I was crazy when I told him, but then I caught him doing it, so even if it’s a mind trick, it still helps!

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  4. VapoRub is the business.

    When I read your first sentence, I thought “holy shit”. “Caretaker” is the UK word for “janitor”. I was thinking “Maybe the school nurse might, but not the caretaker, that’s creepy, And probably illegal.” 🙂

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