Blanche has invited her dear friend Patsy, who has recently gotten herself free, over for coffee and crumpets. There is a tray of Rice Crispy treats in the immaculate kitchen, covered over with saran wrap.
Pasty: Wait until I tell you what I did last night!
Blanche: Did you finally try those homemade pickles I made?
Patsy: No, I had thought of it, though, many nights. But I found something much better instead!
Blanche: What can be better than my pickles?
Pasty: That handsome older man who works at the butcher shop, his name is Sam, I’m sure you’ve seen him before, Pasty. You shop at the same store as I do!
Blanche: Oh, of course, yes. He seems a decent fella, alright.
Patsy: That he is and his meat can’t be beat!
Blanche: True, he does offer the finest of carnivorous meat products.
Pasty: I’m even thinking that I’m finally ready to ask him if he’ll shoot twixt my wind and water.
Blanche almost spits out her coffee at her quite randy friend for using such saucy, yet oddly old fashioned, sexual terminology.
Blanche: Oh my goodness, you’re making me dizzy!
Patsy: I’m sorry, dear. And I was trying so hard to be proper and polite and everything.
Blanche: It’s just that…well, never mind. It’s always so wonderful to see you. You look so vibrant and carefree.
I’m like, really jealous.
Pasty: I indulge in so many new and marvelous things right now, you wouldn’t believe your ears if I told you!
Blanche: Fucking try me, Patsy.
Pasty: Chocolate milk whenever I want, even at 2 am, naked as a jaybird in my kitchen. Bottles of semi decent wine and a bubble bath, without someone outside the bathroom door listening to every breath you take, while you read by candlelight the newest trashy novels written by M. Moistbottom.
Blanche: We watch the same shows every night, Pasty. If I have to pretend to like his sexist jokes one more time, I might…well, I might have to tell him to shut his pie hole!
Could you loan me one of those sinful novels?
Patsy hands Blanche a paperback from her handbag, noticing that her friends face is clearly reddened with embarrassment due to her disclosure of lack of d’amore.
Pasty: Now why don’t I leave so you can run a hot bath, pour yourself a glass of wine and here’s a hint…skip to page 53.