Before He Cheats

Obviously, since I’m a delicate flower and wouldn’t survive a stint in jail, I’ve never taken a bat to anyone’s car.

I’ve contemplated it, though. I’ve thought of many complicated revenge scenarios that I’ll never be able to follow through with (for the above reason.)

Not to mention that I have more class than that.

Not saying that Ms. Underwood isn’t classy, but her song “Before He Cheats” truly expresses the anger and anguish when you find out that your significant other is messing around with some filthy…

I’ll leave it to you guys to fill in the blanks…but might I give you a few monikers for consideration:

Skank

Hussy

Hoe

Home Wrecker 

Remember…it takes two to tango and shatter lives.


Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood    2005

Right now, he’s probably slow dancing
With a bleached-blond tramp
And she’s probably getting frisky
Right now, he’s probably buying
Her some fruity little drink
‘Cause she can’t shoot whiskey
Right now, he’s probably up behind her
With a pool-stick
Showing her how to shoot a combo
And he don’t know
I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
I slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats
Right now, she’s probably up singing some
White-trash version of Shania karaoke
Right now, she’s probably saying “I’m drunk”
And he’s a-thinking that he’s gonna get lucky
Right now, he’s probably
Dabbing on three dollars
Worth of that bathroom Polo
Oh, and he don’t know
That I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
I slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats
I might have saved a little trouble for the next girl
‘Cause the next time that he cheats
Oh, you know it won’t be on me!
No, not on me
‘Cause I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
I slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats
Oh, maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats
Oh, before he cheats
Oh
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12 thoughts on “Before He Cheats

  1. My ex always cheated on me too. I never blamed the women because after the first few I found out they were as much a victim as me. He lied. He lied to me, he lied to them. He was/is a pathological liar. They never knew he was married. He told them (if I happened to answer the phone at an awkward time, this was before cell phones folks) I was his secretary. He was such a good liar I and the other women would believe him. Until I didn’t anymore. It’s strange that it would take an act (the one and only time) to make me get the bravery to finally leave. It still took me months before I did and that’s only because I found out about the latest girlfriend. I was so stupid back then. 😦

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  2. Mer, I know, being a delicate flower myself… acts of revenge are beyond me. However, Carrie was doing a public service, helping the NEXT girl…I believe I could partake in some batting practice and not end up doing a stint! Have you really thought this through? 😉😊💜

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    • Us delicate flowers need to stick together!!
      Trust me, I have thought about waiting in the parking lot of his work and then…well, you get the picture. I am counting on karma to do what it do, Kimmy. ❤

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  3. I had a former colleague who went out with a guy who was a real douchecanoe. He stood her up once, then called her to invite her out to a bar–when she got there, he and his buddies had a good laugh at her expense. So she went to his house while he was still at the bar and let the air out of all the tires on his work truck. She kept the valve caps too:-)

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