My mom always told me that finding a true friend in this world was difficult…but actually keeping one was even harder.
And she was right.
I try to go through life with the realization that the majority of people I befriend are going to end up being a transient part of my life. It’s just easier that way, especially now that I’ve vowed to stop chasing people.
I’ve worn out far too many pairs of sneakers doing that shit and my feet hurt.
I can count on one hand the number of people with whom I believe in enough to relay my innermost thoughts and fears to. I don’t write about everything that happens or the tragedies that befall me. I had a double whammy just yesterday and as much as I’d love to write it all down, they are not fully my stories to tell.
I miss my mom every single day, but at this particular moment, I’d give anything to be able to call her and have her soothing, loving voice on the other end of the line.
She was my one true friend, I understand that now. Sadly, a little too late.
I think that the young girl inside of me wants to find someone to link pinkie fingers with and promise to be forever friends.
But the middle-aged woman that I am understands that that’s a silly, whimsical idea.
So I just sit here and stare at the wall. I drink my coffee and allow the gamut of emotions to run their course. I’m much too tired to fight with them today.
It’s been a long decade and I’m looking forward to 2020, because the 2010’s haven’t been so kind to me.