The Asshat Years

It’s been more than two years since I first found out what my now ex-husband was doing and I still fantasize about contacting him.

I’ve written all that I have to say inside my head.

That my mom hated him and hoped that he rotted in hell, which still pisses me off that his betrayal stung her so badly. (My mom was not a hateful person.)

That I feel sorry for his new wife, because she has no idea that he’s a lying, cheating, (cold, dead-beatin’, two-timing, double-dealing, mean, mistreatin’, perverted narcissist.)

That I hope his new wife figures it out eventually and that he’ll yet again be up against a rock and a hard place, squirming around like a worm on a hot sidewalk.

But my friends tell me not to do it. Why waste my precious time? It’s much wiser to let karma do its job and it sure as hell doesn’t need my assistance.

Besides, he’d probably get off on it, knowing that he’s still causing me inner turmoil and whatnot.

I think it’s human nature to want revenge on someone who has wronged you so horribly. I do have my days when I’m perfectly happy with the way things panned out, but then the anger comes back and I picture myself running him over with my automobile.

I don’t enjoy reminiscing about the asshat years, but there were many of them and they continue to pester me daily. A song, a saying, a place, a television show…I’ll never be able to listen to Led Zeppelin again without wanting to vomit.

led-zeppelin1

What the fuck is up with their tight ass jeans? I mean, really fellas. I can literally see if you’re hanging to the right or to the left.

When people offer me their advice and tell me (not always kindly) to forget about him, that it’s in the past, I usually just nod my head and halfheartedly agree for the sake of keeping the peace. (I detest conflict.)

But what they don’t seem to understand is that it’s not me who doesn’t want to let go of the past…it’s the past that doesn’t seem to want to let go of me.

Ah well. At least I have my first therapy appointment coming up on December 5th.

13 thoughts on “The Asshat Years

  1. I have been divorced from my asshat since…let’s see…1994 and I STILL want revenge sometimes. He doesn’t cross my mind nearly as much as he used to. Most times now it’s a song or something weird that makes me remember him and then I usually just shake my head at how much he fooled me. There is the odd time yet that I would love revenge and even plot it in my mind. Eh, Like djmatticus says it’s a lot of work so I just fantasize and let it go…..again.

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  2. Been waiting since ‘99 for karma … I’d never know though as there’s zero contact. I will say he has zero contact with my most favorite person in the whole world, our son (who refuses to speak to him bcuz he’s literally evil), and that is karma enough. Being tormented doesn’t just wash out with the tide. It’s good to see you’re going to see someone in December. It helps. Sending hugs and healing energy. It’s been 20 years for me and I’m still scared. Somethings you just can’t shake. ❤️

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  3. Don’t scare the therapist into retirement the first day, save that for day two 😁.
    But seriously, it’s human nature to want to get back at those that hurt us the deepest, you don’t have to for get, you don’t have to forgive but you do have to move on for your own self and not let them bother you for the rest of your life dear. 🌹

    ❤️✌️
    BY FOR NOW

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  4. I can understand you wanting to contact him and rip into him – I can’t let things go either – but I’m sure he’d be delighted to know that he’s still inside your head.
    Talk it through at your therapy appointment 🙂

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    • I can’t give him that satisfaction. He’s a miserable excuse for a human and so, with that in mind, he will never be happy. I’ll sort it out with my new therapist, I just hope that she isn’t one of those perpetually perky people. Ugh.

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  5. The man that mentally, physically, and emotionally abused me repeatedly for many years …. I’m still ‘friends’ with him and his wife (which is the woman he cheated on me with), and they have been married for ten years.

    And I have sat back in silence and watched Karma very slowly chip away at them. I’ve watched them both age to the point that they look fifteen years older than their actual age. I’ve watched them split up, get back together, split up again, and dive head first into alcohol and prescription pills. I’ve sat back, with my Marlboro menthol lit up, drinking a mimosa, and I’ve watched their world burn.

    He did me wrong, yes. But so did she. She knew about me. She chose to pursue him anyway. Two weeks ago she got t-boned by a van when she blew a red light. She’s still in the hospital learning how to walk again, learning how to talk. He called me to complain about how HIS life has changed now (he has to take care of the two children and actually go to the grocery store) …. I listened and offered a sympathetic ear.

    You know what I’ve found after all of these years? I actually pity both of them. I pity him because he could have treated me better and not thrown me away, and had a better life. I pity her because she actively chose an abusive man, thinking that she would be the one to change him.

    Sometimes all you have to do is sit back and watch the world burn.

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    • I had the pleasure of watching my first ex (my daughter’s father) and his girlfriend at the time bickering in the front seat once. I forget why I was even with them to begin with, but I do recall thinking to myself “better her than me!” It was surreal as hell. But he did a really awful thing and my daughter decided about 11 years ago not to have anything to do with him and so, I can only imagine what his life must be like now.

      I’m not exactly sure if I pity asshat or not. I might someday. I don’t have the opportunity to sit back with my vape, drinking a Bud light and watching the shit show unfold.

      I’m glad that you got away. ❤

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