Just Sprinkle Me Into Lake Erie

I’ve found a few interesting things that I apparently still own while going through my crap, like this little retro gem, my high school ID card, from my senior year.

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She’s only 17…

What the hell was up with my bangs? And don’t even get me started on those glasses…

Packing 10 years’ worth of accumulated stuff is hard work. I have more trash than I anticipated and all of it is going onto the tree lawn tomorrow evening for bulk pick-up. We got a couple of strong guys to help us out. The one kid from B’s work said that he wouldn’t take any money from us, which is awfully darn sweet of him.

We’ll have about $400 dollars left when all is said and done. As much as I was hoping for more, what’s really important is that we were able to find a decent place that we both love and somehow, we’ll figure out the finances. My 23-year old daughter has better credit than me, so if we need to use her credit card to pay the movers, then that’s what we’ll have to do. I’ve tried everything, all in vain. I cannot get a loan or a credit card because of what they call a “thin file.”

Once I get settled, I’ll look into obtaining a secured credit card and attempt to start all over again.

I’m rather adept at that, figuring that I’ve had to do it so many times that I’ve lost count.

So, it’s been utter chaos around here. My poor dogs are freaking. I keep telling them that it’ll all be okay and soon, God willing and hopefully, they’ll finally have their own yard to poo and piddle in.

I just wish that they could understand.


Back when I was still working, I tried one of the only 3 medications approved to treat fibro, a medicine called Lyrica. Since I had to wake up at the ass crack of dawn (4:30 am) I had to quit taking it because it was difficult to get myself up so early. (Lyrica has some hang time.)

But my pain has been ridiculous lately, so bad that I’ve considered buying a saw so I could cut off my legs.

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Fat Max to the rescue!

So last week, I asked my doc if I could try this med again but at the lowest dose.

You guys…my pain levels have decreased by at least 40%. I am overjoyed, thrilled, shocked…you name it. The way B and I busted ass yesterday packing, I’d normally be a waste of space today and at a level 8 on that stupid, useless pain scale but instead, I’m hovering around a 4!

No nasty side effects either. It’s a freaking miracle. I just hope that it keeps working. It’s no cure but shit, I’ll take it.

Cutting off my legs could get pretty fucking messy, eh?


I was sitting in the car last Saturday morning waiting for my realtor so he could show my brother the new house. We had gotten there early and the realtor dude was running behind, so my bro and I got to talking. It’s rare that we have one on one time.

I mentioned that I wanted to write a will and he agreed that it was a good idea.

Me: I’m leaving all of my earthly possessions to the kid. Also, I don’t want a funeral, I want one of those celebrations of life things. Play a few songs, eat, get drunk, you know, share stories about how awesome I was.

Brother: Ah, okay. Cheaper, for sure.

Me: Yes. Also, I want to be cremated and my ashes spread at Lakewood Park, I got lots of good childhood memories there.

Brother: That’s illegal.

Me: So? People do it all of the time, just keep it on the down-low.

Brother: Where do you want your ashes spread? In the sandbox?

Me: Oh shit, can you imagine? Some little kid comes and says mommy, I found a piece of bone in the sand!

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Mommy, Timmy found a femur!

Brother: Ha! Traumatize the kid for life.

Me: Eh, just sprinkle me into Lake Erie or behind some bushes.

Brother: Okay, you got it.

We both laughed. He has the same twisted sense of humor as I do, which makes me happy.

I failed to mention to him the songs that I want to be played at my celebration of life thingy.

The other two are Amazing Grace and Bridge Over Troubled Water.

A little bit rock and roll, a little bit religious and a little bit sad.

16 thoughts on “Just Sprinkle Me Into Lake Erie

  1. I’m so happy that Lyrica is working for you! I could never take it–even at the lowest dose, it gave me such bad stomach cramps that I couldn’t stand up straight! I told Ken that he has to keep me in a jar on the mantelpiece–I’m sticking around to haunt him:-)

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  2. coincidentally just had a similar (if less full of dark humour unfortunately lol) conversation with my mum. My parents went to update their will today and the solicitor asked if we knew what their wishes were. Always best to let people around you know “just in case” as non of us know when our time will come.
    Good song choices (I’ve got spirit in the sky stuck in my head now lol), my mum wants something by The Shadows, I’d quite like “if I ever leave this world alive” by Flogging Molly but other than that, play whatever people want :p

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  3. I’m glad you found something to help with the pain, Mer. Yay, you!
    Moving is stressful for our fur babies. I know, mine was stressed out too until they got to the new place and could explore. They got over the stress pretty quick. How soon until the move anyway? I wish I lived closer so I could help! Not sure how much actual help I would be but I make a great cheering squad. hahahaha.
    I have in my will that I want to be cremated and where my ashes will go. The husband and I will be scattered together. Right now he’s on my mantle. His kids are good with it. I’ve also told a friend here and my stepdaughter what I want, so pretty sure they will do it. But I put it in my will just as a back-up. πŸ˜‰ How much does it cost for movers?

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    • That’s great that your ashes will be spread together. But not for many years, you’re not going anywhere!!
      The moving date is by March 5th but I’m not exactly sure yet until the money has been exchanged, blah blah and then the closing date. So, pretty soon. We’re estimating at least $500 and I’m quite embarrassed that we’ll have to use B’s credit card unless some kind of miracle occurs and I get more money back from the sale than what my realtor is thinking. We shall see. ❀

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  4. Yay that the Lyrica is helping. Hope it continues to do so for a long time. That femur caption is hilarious. Twisted senses of humor are the best kind. I am also requesting cremation. Where the ashes will be scattered is tbd.

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  5. Awesome news that the new med is working! Your bangs look like my bangs after my last haircut where the stylist managed to get my introverted ass talking about Mecca and I was paying no attention to how badly she was wacking my hair…

    Someone needs to have the balls to request “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” be played at their funeral. That’s a memorial even I would attend…

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