I’m having a hard time right now, as I’m sure many of us are. It’s a scary world. Here in Ohio, we’re not supposed to be going anywhere unless it’s absolutely necessary. Most stores that do not sell food are closed…recreation, schools, all shut down until further notice.
The only two people I allow myself to see are my daughter and boyfriend. She’s still working since she’s a manager of a gourmet burger place but my boyfriend has been laid off until further notice. He’s not getting anywhere when he tries (so many times now) to unsuccessfully apply for unemployment.
As for me, even though I’m used to being at home for extended periods of time, life has taken on a surreal tint. Going to the store for food or medications feels like I’m risking my life and that of anyone else that I come into contact with. So, I just stay put and if I DO go anywhere, I put on a bandana around my mouth and nose.
I’m glad that we got to move before this entire pandemic started. At least I’m not stuck inside that stupid condo for God knows how long. I had hoped that moving here would be full of bright, happy feelings; instead, I’m afraid to wake up each day and read the news.
What if today is the day that my daughter, who still has to do carry out and delivery orders, catches this fucker?
I don’t want to get out of bed. I struggle every morning. I’m depressed, anxious and scared. My fibro is flaring and I’m so fucking tired of being in pain 24/7.
I miss my mom but I’m also thankful that she isn’t here during this crisis…she’d be an absolute wreck! At least she isn’t suffering even more than she already did.
But regardless of that, I’m experiencing a grief tsunami, unrelenting waves of sadness, absolute pain that cuts right to the core of me.
So yeah, I’m not doing so great right now.
I hope you guys are doing better than I am.