44 Tidbits of Knowledge

In honor of my upcoming birthday, I’m sharing 44 tidbits of knowledge that I’ve acquired since the day the doctor who delivered me smacked my bum as I entered this world.

You guys ready?

54b85e6467548_-_elle-00-vintage-women-drinking-h-elh

Hurry up! This isn’t gonna drink itself!

Cool.

  1. Life is too short for cheap lunchmeat or toilet paper.
  2. Teach yourself how to notify a person to go to hell with just your eyes.
  3. Don’t be afraid to cry or show your emotions.
  4. If you love someone, tell them whenever you have the opportunity.
  5. Decide to write a post like this when you’re in your 20’s, it’s a much less daunting task.
  6. Don’t stay with someone who makes you struggle all alone in this life.
  7. Follow that gut instinct, it’ll rarely steer you wrong.
  8. Disappear for a few days and then take notice of who goes looking for you.
  9. Chocolate milk really does come from brown cows!!

    gettyimages-595152052-e1497647485583

    What the fucking moo?

  10. Believe in the nonsensical.
  11. Only apologize for the things that you’re truly sorry for. (This takes so much practice to conquer.)
  12. I’m sorry.
  13. See? Fuck.
  14. Life is a whole helluva lot easier if you have a good sense of humor.
  15. Do kind things for strangers, like letting them cut in line at the store when they only have 3 items and you have 20.
  16. It’s never too late to start over again.
  17. Although it’s wonderful when someone wants to take care of you, know how to take care of yourself just in case they decide otherwise.
  18. Anger is a kickass motivational tool; use it wisely.
  19. From a plaque that my mom had on the wall from my childhood home: My house is clean enough to be healthy, but dirty enough to be home.
  20. A hug from the right person has healing powers.
  21. Life would truly suck without animals and music.
  22. I had my daughter when I was 22. Half of my life has now been blessed with her existence.
  23. Go ahead and take that nap. You’re not lazy!
  24. Hold onto 16 as long as you can, change come around real soon, make us women and men.
  25. Swearing in and of itself isn’t bad; it’s all in how you use it.
  26. No matter where life takes you, remember where you came from.
  27. Please do not tolerate any bullshit.
  28. DON’T SETTLE.
  29. There is so much more to a person than what they look like.
  30. There is beauty in imperfection.
  31. If someone breaks your heart, swaddle it up like a baby and rock it gently.
  32. And let other people take turns helping you rock.
  33. This list is hard work…only 10 more to go!
  34. I am eating pretzels with honey mustard right now.
  35. A sink full of dishes can sit 48 hours and the world won’t stop spinning, I promise.
  36. If you want to find your tribe, start a blog.
  37. Set boundaries like boobytraps.

    3272_351_205-booby-traps-triggers

    Easy as pie!

  38. Whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see. -Doris Day
  39. There’s a song lyric that’s just perfect for every occasion.
  40. Let the simplest things in life bring you the most happiness.
  41. Pick a few aspirations and then try to stick with them.
  42. It’s perfectly alright to fail, just dust yourself off and when you’re ready, try again.
  43. The human body is often disgusting. For example, have you ever sneezed while eating a bowl of cornflakes?
  44. There will never be a band like The Beatles ever again.

Phew, there I did it.

Do you have anything to add to my list?

Thoughts, queries?

Bueller?

Advertisements

Meaningful Conclusions

serene

If you spend time with toxic people, you’ll slowly become poisoned by them.

If you repress your urge to cry, your tear ducts will become clogged and you’ll risk losing an eyeball. (True story.)

Even if you’ve had a slightly heathenish past, you won’t burst into flames if you walk into a church. (Again, true story.)

We’re all born with a few Mulligans (do overs) inside of us.

When the shit hits the fan (and it will) turn off the electricity and grab a mop, bitch.

You can still be a good person even if you swear like a sailor. (Fuck. See? Still good.)

If you find a friend who can make you laugh even when you don’t feel like it, you’re damn lucky.

Don’t hesitate to tell someone you love them, even if they don’t say it back. There is no shame in expressing your feelings.

When you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, stop for a second and close your eyes. Picture yourself in a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies.

If you need a hug, give one to yourself. We’re designed to self soothe ourselves in this way for a reason.

And finally…STOP CHASING PEOPLE.

The right ones won’t run away from you.