There is great power in deciding not to react.
To stay quiet instead of speaking.
To allow your silence to speak for you.
To turning your face into a blank canvas, keeping your gaze indifferent to the chaos surrounding you.
I’ve seriously been working on trying to keep my emotions from taking over my life, because I’ve been allowing precisely that since I was a kid. It’s no easy task either, since I’m an empath and naturally fucking programmed to this specific behavior. It seems the more that I get worked up over something, the harder it is to stop myself from having a full-blown anxiety attack.
The goal is to not get to that point of no return.
Or more simply put, you gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Because too much emotion is bad for your health.
Suddenly, you get the news that your elderly mother is having surgery the exact day as your divorce hearing.
You start to cry hysterically and have an almost instant panic attack.
Maybe it’s best if we try to shut down a bit, your emotions whisper.
Yes, you whisper back.
Perhaps you don’t really have to go to the divorce hearing, I mean, there’s nothing to say. Relationship is done, over and finished. Let a judge do what they do without your input, who gives a fuck?
I need to protect myself, I’m fucking tired of being strong, if one more person tells me that I got this, I’m gonna lose my shit…
I’m so tired, I’m just gonna sleep.
It’s like I’m living in a movie, it’s all make believe.
Numb myself, smoke a bunch of weed, watch Netflix. Avoid the void.
Dear God, please make my mom feel better, even for a short time.
Help me feel nothing.