Hello God? It’s me, Kim.

This is a question I am often asked. If there is a God, why does he let bad things happen? The God I know, that I worship, that I call my Father does not make bad things happen. He is incapable of making bad things happen because God is Love. My Father wraps his arms around me when bad things happen and comforts me. God may have a plan for our lives but there is this one little thing called free will. You choose your path. Don’t blame your left turn on God when he gave you the opportunity to take that right turn.16708679_1071870509583479_7063975714836039657_n (1)

I lost a brother who was just a young man with cancer. At one point during the last days of his life, he asked me what he did wrong to make God hate him? Prone to crying during these last days with him, I knew this was why I was placed in his room at that moment. You see we all have things to learn in this life, at that moment it was to comfort my dying brother, not cry for my loss. I explained to him that God loved him, God would never hurt him. Our bodies were fallible and a certain cell that was supposed to split a certain way did not do what it was supposed to do. This cell was sick. This sick cell made another sick cell and another until it turned into cancer that he now had. My brother finally understood God wasn’t punishing him. God was giving him the strength to be on this earth with us these final days but he would not be saved, he would be going to Heaven.

My brother was Korean, we adopted him at age nine. We added the 8th to our family of 7. My mom said she believed we had enough love for one more and we did indeed have enough. He always had a language barrier and this would follow him into adulthood. He tended to be a bit naive but was always so smiley. He had a heart of gold but oh did he love to tease! He was a terror to me and my little sister growing up! But then a big smile would come, his face would light up and all was forgiven. God didn’t make my brother get cancer, his human body failed him. God did comfort Kory and all of us as Kory finally passed on August 18, 2003, holding our Dad’s hand.

Why did God give us illnesses? Chronic syndromes? Chronic conditions? He didn’t. For some reason, that car accident, flu, traumatic event, hereditary gene… for some reason, something went wrong. Your little human body just couldn’t handle it and you ended up with a chronic condition. You were given nothing harmful by God but he is available if you find yourself needing strength!

We are all so busy trying to pray enough, take the right medication, go to enough physical therapy, we forget to LIVE! We forget it is not our job to JUDGE! Who is right, who is wrong? Christians can’t decide who is Christian enough. The Jewish can’t decide who is Jewish enough. I won’t start with the Muslim faith because I know nothing about it but I bought a Quran and I am going to learn about it. I am sure they have their finger-pointing as well. For the rest of the faiths, be they Christian or not, who is better than…? Is there a best in Wicca or is there a better atheist than another? Do atheists have a “better than” category? (And thank you for reading this much if you are not Christian I realize it was a pretty big title to start with!)

I don’t have all the answers. Sometimes I wish I did but I think I’m glad I don’t! So I would like to leave you with this, it all comes down to one answer for all of life’s questions.


Live your best life!



Unwrap Your Present


gift-2469437_1920I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about people in my life, reflecting I suppose. Those that have come and gone. Those that I think about and miss, our relationship damaged.  I think about the people I count on, who are still with me. There are those close to me who have weathered the storm with me by understanding they do not have the power to fix me. I think about the new friends I have made and wonder how I can be a good friend to them? I think about Father Time and what a thief he really is… I can’t buy back lost time.

There is a lesson that I have indeed learned and that is, I am taking back my power! I have said my apologies for my past behavior; most, not all, of it stemming from poor health. I have been very open and answered any questions, no matter how personal, asked of me … this has all been a lesson in futility. Circumstances remain the same. Opinions aren’t easily changed. So it is time for me to let go of these relationships because I have the power to choose that option.

I have tried to move on before and was unsuccessful. Systematic thought pattern always got in my way. This time I will break through those patterns. I will no longer dwell on what was and I will live for what is because I can feel the value of my life. I have done my soul searching and grieved for those I have lost, and those still distant. I believe with all my heart I have traveled down every avenue,  I have tried to make things right. Living to somehow ‘right the wrongs’ of my past limits what I can achieve in the present. I am choosing the relationships I have now. Now, you may consider it a privilege to be in my life, and this privilege is not guaranteed. The past has been stealing my happiness and I will not allow for this anymore. Those in my present deserve all of my time and effort and I will give them as much as I can. Today, I am going to unwrap my present.



Get a Clue, I’m Not Your Opinion.

Everyone seems to have an opinion, but not all have a clue. Carefully and continuously decide who to surround your self with. Those who can influence your decisions and whose judgments you take to heart must be conscientiously chosen. The more public you become, the more vulnerable you become. Make good choices. You are the company you keep.

I like to think of myself as having a ‘force field’ that no one can cross unless I grant them entrance. Much like Wonder Woman! Yes, like Linda Carter as Wonder Woman, I stop people dead in their tracks with my ‘force field’. I can keep people at a distance, far away from my inner self. My personal life, hopes, fears, and dreams are not for the clueless … I will not share certain details that make me vulnerable with those I do not trust.


The people I choose to let into my inner Wonder Woman circle must meet criteria I have come up with to deem them as safe, meaning I can be vulnerable with them. After reading a few self-help books, realizing I was being told to change everything about me, I stopped! I put a few things into perspective. I’m not changing. I’m good with me and what I’ve become. Life has taken me down a few paths I normally would not have chosen but I made it through! Those journies have made me who I am. I am strong, competent, unafraid and kind but I come with scars of my own. Furthermore, self-help book pioneers, with no experience of devastation in your perfect little world, I’m not available for you to ‘mold’. You be you and I’ll be me, then we can decide if we want to take this relationship further. Comprendo?

What do I look for? Here are a few things that I rely on before the force field is lowered. A breach in even one of these areas undoubtedly ends with bitterness and pain.

  • Do I respect you?
  • Do you inspire me?
  • Do you assist me in expanding my personal growth?
  • Do your opinions matter to me?
  • Do I want you more involved in my personal life?
  • Do you have it together?

The last point, do you have it together is really very simple. Are you owning what you are in life? Are you admitting you have your own ideas, opinions and personal demons you struggle with? Because I will admit those types of things. I am not perfect, far from it. When a person gets close to me and pounces on my vulnerabilities, I have made a huge mistake in judgment. That person must be removed from my inner circle. That is so very painful! To trust and have it trashed. To be someone’s ‘opinion’ is not my idea of an inner circle confidant. I am more than an opinion, and those close to me in my life are too.

You choose who you surround yourself with, and it must be handled with care and consideration. The backlash of choosing wrongly stings for a very long time.


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