Painful Little Nuisances

I’m concerned about my left thigh. It’s been slowly losing muscle tone over the last few years, but while I was on the couch the other night, the sight of it at a certain angle gave me a bad case of the worries.

My doctor never seems all too concerned when I bring it up, he just tells me to do my leg exercises and to stay as active as I possibly can, which has quadrupled since Asshat moved out.

In doctor speak, that means that there really isn’t all that much that he or I can do.

I’m already doing it. I walk until I just can’t, I force myself to do the exercises and I don’t always use my princess parking pass. (That’s what my daughter calls it.)


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Mine expires in 2019.

My right thigh is much meatier than the left, so I suppose that poor righty takes a beating since I’m putting most of my weight on it when I’m walking around. I can see and feel the bone on lefty, which is…hmm, let’s see…fucking freaky.

Stupid fibromyalgia. I got your number, you bastard.

I have other issues cropping up recently to tell the doctor about, so many that I’m going to have to make a list or I’ll forget. Nothing life-threatening, just painful little nuisances, like my right thumb that I’m positive has something crunching inside of it (ouch) and my lack of an appetite.


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“I know you’re going through a hard time right now, but you look fucking amazeballs.”

My daughter and I went to a thrift store yesterday and they had a scale. I was surprised to see that I’ve lost about 12 pounds since the last time that I weighed myself, which was sometime last month.

I’m eating right now just to survive. That’s what happens to me when I’m stressed out and emotionally erratic, I’ll just forget until my stomach groans painfully at me to put something in there or I start to feel dizzy because of my low blood sugar.

And then I eat a cookie and say, shush you.

I finally went to the eye doctor this past Monday. I decided to just do it (I’ve been putting it off) and get the bifocals, so I can read my medicine bottles without peering over my frames and squinting.


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Aw, he makes squinting look adorable.

I also have the early stages of cataracts. The eye doctor said we’ll just keep an eye on it.

Get it? Haha!

No?

Eh, I thought it was funny.

I love my new frames (neon green and black.) I’m trying to give myself lots of little things to be excited about and look forward to. I should have them within the week. It’ll be nice to see clearly again.

I’m seeing many things more clearly these days and now I’ll be doing it in style.

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The Many Uses of VapoRub™

If you were ever a kid, you’ll probably remember having your chest rubbed down with Vicks® VapoRub™ by a caretaker, which in my case was my mother. It was one of the best parts of having a cold, besides getting to stay home from school and drinking hot tea with honey. (The kind of honey that comes in the little bear bottle.)

Personally, I really love the stuff.

When one of your nostrils drain itself of mucus for a few minutes…well, that’s the shit right there. The only thing that comes close is the moment an infected ear suddenly pops free and you can hear again.


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He’s so fine, there’s no telling where the money went…


Until it clogs again. (Your nostrils.) Then they take turns, right side open, left closed. Then right sealed like a tomb (ain’t no oxygen getting in, sucker) and the left side is as clear as a long stretch of country road.

Well, guess what? As it turns out, VapoRub™ is an extremely useful product to have around the house. Trust me, after reading this, you’ll want to always have a vat of it in your medicine cabinet.


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Please be advised that putting Vick’s® VapoRub™ on your genitals is not recommended, but encouraged.

Oops, sorry. I’m back, I was rubbing my entire body down with it. Sore muscles? I have sore fucking muscles!

Just you wait for summer, you annoying little bloodsuckers! Go suck on someone your own size!

And if you do bite me, I now have the power to stop the itch, so there. Take that, skeeter. Pfft.

I’ve never had a cold sore before. They look really painful. Eek.

So, go ahead and get you some Vick’s® VapoRub™. (Not just for chests anymore!)

Tell em’ Mer sent ya.