D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

divorce-cc-nick-youngson

I can now include “served divorce papers” to my bucket list.

It happened yesterday afternoon and to be perfectly blunt, I was shocked that he did something that took such a fair chunk of change, never-mind something responsible. He beat me to the punch. I was just readying myself to go downtown and file my own paperwork, but I waited too long to get my nerve up to actually do it.

He lives in a completely different county now, so it won’t take place in downtown Cleveland.

The pretrial is May 13th and I’m terrified of seeing him again. It’s never easy facing your abuser, especially after having so much time away from their toxicity. I feel so much healthier, physically, mentally and emotionally now, so it’s like having a gigantic scab ripped open.

My daughter and myself, we both had bad dreams last night.

He put down that we’re incompatible. It’s just like him to try to appear squeaky clean.

“Yep, the old lady got sick and went nuts, so I had no other option but to leave her.”

If they ask me my side of it, I plan on telling them the truth, although he’ll deny it all, because in his mind it was all my fault.

I have a squad of people going with me for emotional support…my best friend Cheryl, my friend Dave, my boyfriend Steven and hopefully my kid. It makes me feel supported and loved to have them all offer to go with me.

I know that this is the final chapter and then I can truly move on with the rest of my life. But my fear of facing him again brings all of the traumatic memories back to the surface.

Why does life have to be so hard?