Birthday Greetings from the Child

These are the series of memes that my daughter posted on my Facebook timeline, which is notable due to the fact that this was the 1st time that she’s ever done so.

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Can you tell that she’s my kid?

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44 Tidbits of Knowledge

In honor of my upcoming birthday, I’m sharing 44 tidbits of knowledge that I’ve acquired since the day the doctor who delivered me smacked my bum as I entered this world.

You guys ready?

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Hurry up! This isn’t gonna drink itself!

Cool.

  1. Life is too short for cheap lunchmeat or toilet paper.
  2. Teach yourself how to notify a person to go to hell with just your eyes.
  3. Don’t be afraid to cry or show your emotions.
  4. If you love someone, tell them whenever you have the opportunity.
  5. Decide to write a post like this when you’re in your 20’s, it’s a much less daunting task.
  6. Don’t stay with someone who makes you struggle all alone in this life.
  7. Follow that gut instinct, it’ll rarely steer you wrong.
  8. Disappear for a few days and then take notice of who goes looking for you.
  9. Chocolate milk really does come from brown cows!!

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    What the fucking moo?

  10. Believe in the nonsensical.
  11. Only apologize for the things that you’re truly sorry for. (This takes so much practice to conquer.)
  12. I’m sorry.
  13. See? Fuck.
  14. Life is a whole helluva lot easier if you have a good sense of humor.
  15. Do kind things for strangers, like letting them cut in line at the store when they only have 3 items and you have 20.
  16. It’s never too late to start over again.
  17. Although it’s wonderful when someone wants to take care of you, know how to take care of yourself just in case they decide otherwise.
  18. Anger is a kickass motivational tool; use it wisely.
  19. From a plaque that my mom had on the wall from my childhood home: My house is clean enough to be healthy, but dirty enough to be home.
  20. A hug from the right person has healing powers.
  21. Life would truly suck without animals and music.
  22. I had my daughter when I was 22. Half of my life has now been blessed with her existence.
  23. Go ahead and take that nap. You’re not lazy!
  24. Hold onto 16 as long as you can, change come around real soon, make us women and men.
  25. Swearing in and of itself isn’t bad; it’s all in how you use it.
  26. No matter where life takes you, remember where you came from.
  27. Please do not tolerate any bullshit.
  28. DON’T SETTLE.
  29. There is so much more to a person than what they look like.
  30. There is beauty in imperfection.
  31. If someone breaks your heart, swaddle it up like a baby and rock it gently.
  32. And let other people take turns helping you rock.
  33. This list is hard work…only 10 more to go!
  34. I am eating pretzels with honey mustard right now.
  35. A sink full of dishes can sit 48 hours and the world won’t stop spinning, I promise.
  36. If you want to find your tribe, start a blog.
  37. Set boundaries like boobytraps.

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    Easy as pie!

  38. Whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see. -Doris Day
  39. There’s a song lyric that’s just perfect for every occasion.
  40. Let the simplest things in life bring you the most happiness.
  41. Pick a few aspirations and then try to stick with them.
  42. It’s perfectly alright to fail, just dust yourself off and when you’re ready, try again.
  43. The human body is often disgusting. For example, have you ever sneezed while eating a bowl of cornflakes?
  44. There will never be a band like The Beatles ever again.

Phew, there I did it.

Do you have anything to add to my list?

Thoughts, queries?

Bueller?

“My MOM Has Fibromyalgia!”

My daughter made manager at her work a couple of days ago, after three years of taking food orders, working the grill (they make gourmet burgers) and every other menial task that comes with the job.

The kid has one hell of a work ethic, something that I’d struggled with in my early years.┬áIt took having her at age 22 to grow my ass up and do what was (mostly) right.

I can’t express just how proud of her I am. She’s done with classes for the summer, so at this very moment, she’s in her bed sleeping, probably dreaming of the day when she graduates from college and gets a “real” job.

A real job to her is one that doesn’t involve coming home smelling like grease.

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This is the first image you’ll find when you Google “smells like grease.”

She works with mostly males and from what I’ve gathered, some of them are real assholes.

This doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.

They hired an 18-year-old boy who has fibromyalgia and he was having a bad day. According to my offspring, the guys began teasing him because of it. He was struggling hard to keep up with the physical challenges of working at an upscale fast food place and in the end, he asked to be sent home.

That really gave these imbeciles even more fuel to ridicule the suffering boy. This infuriated my daughter so much that eventually she lost her proverbial shit and went off on them.

“My MOM has fibromyalgia you *$@&!!” (I’ve never heard her swear, unless you count damn it once.)

I guess this info only gave them more to poke fun at, which seems to be just the way, doesn’t it?

My daughter said that she was so furious, she barely spoke to anyone for the rest of the shift. (This all happened before she got promoted to manager, otherwise the silent treatment wouldn’t have been prudent.)

“Aw, honey. That poor boy and he’s so young,” I said to her.

“I wanted to punch them. They just don’t understand, bunch of idiots.”

I felt three distinct emotions during this conversation:

  1. Empathy for the young man who has a whole lifetime ahead of him with the monster known as fibromyalgia.
  2. Anger at the people who were throwing shade at him. (What? Am I too old to use that expression?)
  3. Love, because she was ardently sticking up for the underdog and of course, for me, her mommy.

“Well, honey, most people don’t understand something unless it’s happening to them.”

“They all suck.”

Yeah, she had me there.

Only I would have said that they fucking suck.


When I attempt to do something that might cause me harm, my daughter tells me to be careful.

She also tells me not to fall, which is something that I do often enough to prompt her to say that in the first place.

Or she’ll just tell me to sit down, that she’ll do it.

And as stubborn as I am, I usually let her.