I Want To Know What Love Is


I Want To Know What Love Is by Foreigner 1984

I gotta take a little time, a little time to think things over
I better read between the lines, in case I need it when I’m older
Now this mountain I must climb, feels like the world upon my shoulders
Through the clouds I see love shine, it keeps me warm as life grows colder
In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far, to change this lonely life
I want to know what love is, I want you to show me
I want to feel what love is, I know you can show me
I’m gonna take a little time, a little time to look around me
I’ve got nowhere left to hide, it looks like love has finally found me
In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far, to change this lonely life
I want to know what love is, I want you to show me
I want to feel what love is, I know you can show me
I want to know what love is, I want you to show me
(And I want to feel) I want to feel what love is
(And I know) I know you can show me
Let’s talk about love, I want to know what love is
The love that you feel inside, I want you to show me
And I’m feeling so much love, I want to feel what love is
No, you just can’t hide, I know you can show me
I want to know what love is (let’s talk about love), I know you can show me
I want to feel it too, I want to feel what love is
I want to feel it too, and I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah, I want to know what love is
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In My Blood

I’m thankful to live in an age where it’s more socially acceptable to talk openly about my mental health struggles. If I were able to take a trip back in my custom-built time machine (heated, leather seats, of course) to 1993, my first suicide attempt would not be something that I felt comfortable talking about.

Only a handful of people knew about it, because that’s just the way things were back in those days. I was ashamed of it, my lack of interest in living, despite my youth, with people reminding me that I had the whole world at my wobbly feet.

I pushed myself to keep going on with the show, jumping from job to job, keeping my depression and anxiety mostly to myself. I found my footing repeatedly, without any medicine or talk therapy. It wasn’t until I was 23 that I started taking Prozac. The clouds that had shadowed me since early childhood started to slowly disperse. I was finally able to concentrate on being a new mommy without the continuous whispers inside my head that I’d be better off dead.

I haven’t thought about suicide since April or roundabouts. For the first time in eight years, I no longer toy with the idea fondly. I’m sincerely as joyful as a pig rolling around in a freshly made mud puddle to still be alive.

pig-in-mud

Oink.

I looked into the mirror at my neglected, sad eyes, at my hopeful reflection and told myself that I deserved so much more than what I had been given by a fellow human being who had no concept of what love is all about.

But I sure fucking do…and I always have.

I just forgot.


In My Blood  Shawn Mendes  2018

Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’t
It isn’t in my blood
Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing
I’m overwhelmed and insecure, give me something
I could take to ease my mind slowly
Just have a drink and you’ll feel better
Just take her home and you’ll feel better
Keep telling me that it gets better
Does it ever?
Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I’m crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’t
It isn’t in my blood
It isn’t in my blood
I’m looking through my phone again, feeling anxious
Afraid to be alone again, I hate this
I’m trying to find a way to chill, can’t breathe, oh
Is there somebody who could
Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I’m crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’t
It isn’t in my blood
It isn’t in my blood
I need somebody now
I need somebody now
Someone to help me out
I need somebody now
Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’t
It isn’t in my blood
It isn’t in my blood
It isn’t in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn’t in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn’t in my blood

About this song.

“It was kind of something that hit me last year. Growing up, I was a pretty calm kid. I knew people who suffered from anxiety, found it kind of hard to understand, and then when it hits you, you’re like, Oh my god, this is crazy. When I play that song, I go ‘Just so you know I’m okay. The best thing about it is that it’s not all down. The whole reason I wrote the song was to be like, at the very end, ‘It’s not in my blood to do that.’”

Broken (Like Me)

I’ve been listening to current music more often lately and as much as it gives me a slight case of the hives to admit, some of it is actually really fucking great stuff.

I hope the music from the 60’s and the 80’s (primarily) forgives me for that statement. (Sorry, Bon Jovi.)


Lovelytheband – Broken (Like Me) 2018

“Life is funny like that, when the dust settles at the end of the day- and we’ve said all we can, we’ll realize every part of us, even the loving ones, were a little broken.”
I like that you’re broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you’re lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you
I met you late night, at a party
Some trust fund baby’s Brooklyn loft
By the bathroom, you said let’s talk
But my confidence is wearing off
These aren’t my people
These aren’t my friends
She grabbed my face and that’s when she said
I like that you’re broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you’re lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you
There’s something tragic, but almost pure
Think I could love you, but I’m not sure
There’s something wholesome, there’s something sweet
Tucked in your eyes that I’d love to meet
These aren’t my people
These aren’t my friends
She grabbed my face and that’s when she said
I like that you’re broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you’re lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you
Life is not a love song that we like
We’re all broken pieces floating by
Life is not a love song, we can try
To fix our broken pieces one at a time
I like that you’re broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you’re lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you
I like that you’re broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you’re lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you

About this song.

“This song details the joy of finding another person who is comfortable as their real self instead of always trying to put forth a filtered, best-life version of themselves.

Love isn’t as it’s portrayed in the movies, in song and on social media. Real relationships are sometimes awkward. But the only way to find a true connection is to do away with the pretense, let your guard down and show who you really are.”