Life Without My Mom

I am able to see the good things in my life that still remain. I am not that far gone, my friends.

I have my daughter, I treasure her every moment of the day.

I made the right choice and was then presented with the gift of my boyfriend, who brings me sunshine, kindness and love…things that I have never had in a romantic relationship before.

I have a handful of loyal friends who haven’t abandoned me in my time of intense sadness. I look up to the heavens and am thankful for their faithful presence in my life.

I’ve felt the touch of God upon my bowed, sorrowful head and have found my faith in Him again, after so many years of traveling on the wrong path filled with evil men and wicked deeds that I readily tolerated.

My life without my mom, it’s something that I always knew would come. When I was younger, the thought would creep into my mind, mostly at bedtime, that one day she would be gone.

The years passed as they do, she turned 60…65…70. I’d roll over and shut my eyes so tightly, until the idea melted away and then I would sleep well in the knowing that in the morning, she would call me like she always did.

Why do I try so hard to pretend that I’m okay when in reality, I am so full of heartache?

My life without my mom, it’s a lonely vista of unspoken emotions, filled with my regrets and my deep desire to hold her again with every cell in my body.

My grief is unbearable.

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A Tune Revisited

The 2nd anniversary of my Discovery Day just passed. (July 31st.)

I had asked you guys for angry fuck you songs to help me cope with the swirling emotions of being cheated on and realizing that I had wasted 15 years of my life with a piece of pond scum.

You guys delivered some great tunes, but my favorite one is down below, introduced to me by my good friend ES. It’s a classic 80’s anthem of breakup/divorce and I think that I’ve listened to it at least 100 times.

I’m legally divorced now and happy about it. It’s amazing really…how many things can change in just 2 years.

He ain’t worth the salt in my tears and he never was.


Martin Briley Salt In My Tears 1983

I never did it
No I won’t admit it
Why should I lie for you anymore?
You never loved me
You pushed and you shoved me
I seen a woman I never saw
I saw you laugh when the knife was twisted
It still hurts but the pain has shifted
I’m looking back at the time that drifted by
But I won’t cry for the wasted years
‘Cause you ain’t worth the salt in my tears
Feeling neglected
Used and rejected
You need a shoulder to lean upon
Maybe you’ve picked him
Found your next victim
Don’t worry someone will come along
I broke the spell that you kept me under
I’d had enough of the rain and thunder
I lost track of the time and I wonder why
But I won’t cry for the wasted years
‘Cause you ain’t worth the salt in my tears
I’ll sit around and drink a few more beers
Until the memory just disappears
‘Cause you ain’t worth the salt in my tears

He’s engaged, by the way.

Poor woman. Looks like he found his next victim.

Everything I Own

A good friend of mine sent me this song last week (which made me full-on, ugly snot cry) because it reminds her of her own mother, who passed away some years ago.

I dedicate this to my mom. And to her mom, of course. ❤


Everything I Own by Bread  1972

You sheltered me from harm
Kept me warm, kept me warm
You gave my life to me
Set me free, set me free
The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you
And I would give anything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again
You taught me how to love
What it’s of, what it’s of
You never said too much
But still you showed the way
And I knew from watching you
Nobody else could ever know
The part of me that can’t let go
And I would give anything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again
Is there someone you know
You’re loving them so
But taking them all for granted
You may lose them one day
Someone takes them away
And they don’t hear the words you long to say
I would give anything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again
Just to touch you once again