Pinball Dream

I had a peculiar dream last night.

I was at a brightly lit arcade and an all you can eat buffet with my deceased mother and my ex-husband. The gregarious staff kept urging us to enjoy all that this fictional utopia had to offer.

My ex-husband is a large man and he absolutely loves to eat, so it didn’t take much persuasion to load his plate up with heaping amounts of food. Spaghetti, meatballs, pizza, meatloaf…there were buffet tables set up everywhere, with every type of edible that you could possibly think of.

When we got our food, we sat at a table, the two of them sitting on the one side and myself on the other, alone. He started to gorge himself, making a bunch of piggish sounds that disgusted me.


My mom sat across from me and she looked pretty healthy. Older, maybe in her late 60’s, before her illness started to make her drop weight and lose her lovely glow. She didn’t seem bothered by the spectacle of watching the ex shoveling mouthfuls of food into his stupid mouth.

“I’ve been planning for everything once I’m gone,” she said to me cheerfully. “I also don’t give a shit about politics and I never really have. It’s such a relief not to care!”

The two of us only had small amounts of food on our plates. My mom picked at hers but I was too disturbed by asshat to eat.

She looked at me, smiling.

“You look great, honey. So skinny now.” It was always a huge deal to my mother that I’ve always been overweight, so this was a high compliment.

She glanced at asshat, giving him the mildest dirty look, which is the only way that I can explain it. She didn’t exhibit any sort of hatred or negative emotion. She seemed to be at peace.

I didn’t say a word. Actually, I don’t speak at all in the dream.

Suddenly, my mom and I are walking around this odd little playground with vivid colors that reminded me of the movie Willy Wonka. We were being called to play games like we were at a carnival, something that my mother loved when she was alive.

“Hey ladies, come on over and win a prize!!” one of the men calls out to us and we go over to him. There’s a huge pinball machine. When I pull the lever, the metal ball shoots up the shute and starts pinging crazy mad.

“Winner!!” the man says but I don’t get any kind of prize. I’m disappointed but due to the fact that I can’t talk, I’m unable to inquire about why.

We’re back at the table again and now my ex-husband has an entire extra-large pizza in front of him. He is happily munching away, sauce and cheese dripping down his chin.

I am revolted and want to say something but I am still completely mute.

My mom just shakes her head at him and then she smiles as sweet as pie at me.

I wake up.