I can never stay away from writing for long, even though I occasionally convince myself otherwise. – Mer
Most of you know me well; I’ve been blogging on WordPress since October of 2012. That was right after I decided to apply for disability due to my mental health issues that made it impossible for me to keep a job.
Then my physical health started to go down the tubes while I waited for the government to decide if I was truly unable to work or just fucking with them because I was bored.
I wrote about everything that I was going through, except one thing…the truth about my “beloved” asshat and his often subtle, but nonetheless nefarious abuse.
Looking back now, I realize that he had an enormous hand in my downfall, the daily stress that he caused me, plus my desire to keep it a secret, that I had married a sick, twisty piece of human waste.
Some may wonder why I stayed with him for just shy of 15 years. There are many reasons for this and honestly, I don’t feel like listing them at the momento.
Seriously though, I’d rather use bolt cutters and untether myself for good.
I’m shooting for indifference, you guys.
It almost seems like I was born to be abused.
Too nice, kind, empathetic…not to mention fragile, needy and lonely.
Far too trusting.
I wish that I had thought better of myself back in 2002, after I left my first abusive relationship, but I jumped right back into an even deeper sauce pan.
What’s that saying? Things happen for a reason.
Yes, that’s the one. It’s the only thing that makes some kind of sense to me, like word balm for my lost years.
My boyfriend calls me his loving sweetheart on a consistent basis. That’s one of the many reasons why I love being with him; he’s the same guy every day. He doesn’t waver with his affection or attention towards me. He doesn’t just talk the talk, he also walks it. His bad moods have absolutely nothing to do with me. He’s always blunt, but he isn’t cruel.
Instead of being a giant lump of toxic rat poison, he’s more like a mega vitamin.
I’ve been afraid of writing about our newly budding romance, mostly due to not wanting to jinx it. I’d adjusted myself to being unhappy and depressed for a long ass time, so you can imagine my utter shock that I’m actually rather content right now.
I know, right?
It’s a shock to my system, being treated with respect, compassion and caring.
Oh, to be able to laugh and not have to fake it in order to keep the status quo for appearances sake.
He motivates me to be the best version of myself and I try to do the same for him.
It’s the healthiest relationship that I’ve ever been in and if wishes really do come true, please send me as many stars as you can find.