I’ve No More F***s To Give!

I just came across this hilarious video and it made me laugh my ass off. I seriously haven’t cracked up this hard in ages!

Something that I really needed right now and maybe you do too.

If you don’t mind the “f” word, that is. (Fair warning.)

But if you know we well enough, then you know that it’s one of my most favorite words ever.


I’ve No More F***s To Give! by Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq. 2018

I’ve tried, tried, tried, and I’ve tried even more
I’ve cried, cried, cried, and I can’t recall what for
I’ve pressed, I’ve pushed, I’ve yelled, I’ve begged in hopes of some success
But the inevitable fact is that it never will impress
I’ve no more fucks to give, my fucks have runneth dry
I’ve tried to go fuck shopping but there’s no fucks left to buy
I’ve no more fucks to give though more fucks I’ve tried to get
I’m over my fuck budget and I’m now in fucking debt
I strived, strived, strived, to get everything done
I played by all the rules, but I very rarely won
I’ve smiled, I’ve charmed, I’ve wooed and laughed, alas to no avail
I’ve run round like a moron to unequivocally fail
I’ve no more fucks to give, my fuck fuse has just blown
I’ve been hunting for my fucks all day
But they’ve upped and fucked off home
I’ve no more fucks to give, my fuck rations are depleted
I’ve rallied my fuck army but it’s been fucking defeated
The effort has just not been worth the time or the expense
I’ve exhausted all my energy for minimal recompense
The complete lack of acknowledgement has now begun to gall
And I’ve come to realize that I don’t give a fuck at all
I’ve no more fucks to give, my fucks have flown away
My fucks are now so fucked off they refuse to fucking stay
I’ve no more fucks to give, my fucks have gone insane
They’ve come back round and passed me while they’re fucking off again
I’ve no more fucks to give, my fucks have all dissolved
I’ve planned many projects but my fucks won’t be involved
I’ve no more fucks to give, my fucks have all been spent
They’ve fucked off from the building and I don’t know where they went
I’ve no more fucks to give
I’ve no more fucks to give
I’ve no more fucks, I’ve no more fucks, I’ve no more fucks to give

Diet Ginger Ale, Coffee and Some Chocolate

I’ve seen with my own eyes how people are hoarding toilet paper, water, bleach, Lysol, hand sanitizer, food and even rubbing alcohol.

There are some completely rude and not so nice people out there, you guys.

Duh.

I watched some of them in complete awe with my boyfriend last Thursday at Dollar General for half an hour while we waited in the long checkout line. I just wanted to buy my pup’s some dog food, a few two-liters of diet ginger ale, coffee and some chocolate. (Must-haves in my world.)

Luckily, before I moved, I accidentally overbought toilet paper because I’d forgotten that I already had a full package in the upstairs hallway bathroom closet.

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Khajiit has wares, if you have coin. (My daughter and her sense of humor. SMH.)

So, at last count, we now have 19 rolls. (Double rolls, mind you!)

I have plenty of hand soap, antibacterial wipes and sanitizer right now because the previous owner’s son left behind some of those items at my new house, plus a full jug of bleach. I also have one that I purchased before the coronavirus became a thing to be concerned about.

I haven’t gone out to hoard anything and perhaps that’s stupid of me. I have groceries and I sincerely believe plenty enough to last us for at least a month or so.

Our new neighbors are elderly (also very nice) and although they have their grown daughter living with them, if they ran out of soap, toilet paper or whatever, I’d gladly share what we have.

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I worry about my daughter at work, she’s in contact with the general public, plus my boyfriend as well. All any of us can do is cover our mouths when we cough, sneeze and of course, wash our hands.

And pray. Personally, I’ve been doing tons of that. I know it’s not everyone’s thing, though, for me, it helps keep me calmer and less afraid.

My Mindful Self-Compassion class, starting this Tuesday, was at first going to be postponed although now it’s been officially moved online via an app called Zoom. I have no idea how easy it’ll be for me to navigate…but shit, I’m sure going to try.

Hopefully, once things start to get back to normal here in Ohio, the class will start to meet in person like originally planned. Not only was I excited to learn new stuff, but I was also looking forward to meeting new people.

I see my therapist (finally!) also on Tuesday and this is a good thing. I have a pretty serious and troubling personal problem right now that I need to discuss with a trained professional. It hasn’t been canceled as of yet so I still plan on going.

The way I look at things, yes, we do need to be extra cautious and do our part to stop the spread of this damn thing. I get that, I dig it.

But we also have to live our lives as well. Being an introvert and enjoying my solitude, isolating myself for the greater good isn’t that big of a deal to me.

My mental health is precious to me and this issue that I’m having in my personal life is rather upsetting. I don’t want to miss another appointment with her again.

I don’t mean to be evasive but it’s just not the right time to open the cage and let this particular bird free yet.

Stay safe, you guys.

Gentleman Prefer Blondes

This is my official entry for ES’s Annual Contest of Whatever. This year’s theme is “Murphy’s Law” which states that whatever can go wrong will go wrong.

Or something like that.

Let me introduce you all to Sally and Ed.

retrocouple

Sally’s phone rings…

Ed: Hello doll, my tasty little snack cake!

Sally: Oh, it’s you. I mean, hello Ed!

Ed: Are we still on for our date tonight?

Sally: Well, I washed my hair this morning, so I can’t use that excuse this time. I suppose so.

Ed: Wonderful! I’m going to take you to this really neat-o little dive bar I found while I was out with the fellas getting shitfaced one night…

Sally: Wait a second. A dive bar? What do you take me for, a cheap hussy?

Ed: No, my sugar lump! They have the tastiest boneless wings and drink specials from 4-8pm.

Sally: I deserve caviar and champagne, you assweasel.

Ed: Baby, I forgot to tell you something about myself. I know that we’ve only been dating a couple of weeks so it’s best to just be honest with you before things get serious between us…

Sally: Not bloody fucking likely now…

Ed: I lied on my dating profile. I’m not really a lawyer for Murphy, Murphy & Sons. I’m a janitor at the local high school. I’ve spent all of my savings trying to impress you. I’m as broke as a joke now!

I also have herpes.

Sally: What? You lying scumbag!

Ed: Please Sally, don’t hang up! I love you!

Sally: Well, to be honest, I’ve been keeping a secret from you myself.

Ed: Whatever it is, I forgive you my adorable puddin’ pop!

Sally: I’m not really a blonde.

Ed: Really?

Sally: Yes, it’s true.

Ed: My ad specifically said that I wanted a real blonde!!

Sally: Well, I wanted to date a rich lawyer!

Ed: I’m sorry but I can’t go for that. No can do. Goodbye, Sally.

Sally: Wait! I thought you said that you loved me?

Ed: Gentlemen prefer real blondes, Sally, even poor ones!

Ed hangs up on her and Sally starts to weep. She pours herself a glass of wine to console herself and then sinks down into her oversized faux fur covered chair.

Sally: He might have herpes but I got the clap.